


It's Like This, Merlin

by Mellacita



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-31
Updated: 2009-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellacita/pseuds/Mellacita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur decides to teach Merlin about the birds and the bees, and learns something surprising in the process. Set after Series 2. Repost from long-ago Kink Me, Merlin fill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Like This, Merlin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kmm prompt [here](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/6914.html?thread=4363778#t4363778)
> 
> Reposted from Livejournal.

It’s not the first time it’s occurred to him.  
  
He doesn’t like to remember the first time it occurred to him. Merlin, stammering over a purple flower tucked into his ridiculous scarf. He’d suspected, then, that the sum of what Merlin knew about girls would fit into one of Morgana’s thimbles—the ones she was given when she was a child and had ignored in favor of purloined cutlery from the high table.  
  
Arthur had considered talking to Merlin then, but there was the Afanc, and then the Mercians had shown up, and then the gryphon, and, well, he didn’t. In retrospect, he was glad he didn’t. What if he had? Merlin might have started taking Guinevere flowers, and Guinevere was so sweet, maybe she would have…  
  
No. Definitely for the best that he didn’t have that talk.  
  
He knew even before their journey to Morgause’s castle that Merlin didn’t know his father growing up. Something Hunith had said in passing, something Gaius had said to the king following one of Uther’s exasperated dismissals. Merlin was young, and fatherless and from the country. Being from the country should have taught him a thing or two, at least that was the conventional wisdom, but Arthur was pretty sure Merlin had little to do with the few livestock Ealdor had. He was such a girl, himself. He probably hand-fed the babies and locked himself crying in his hovel when it was time for slaughter.  
  
No, Merlin knew nothing about girls, how to woo them, what to do with them once you had their attention, how to make sure not to father bastards who would one day challenge the succession… or, in his case, he supposed, not to be entrapped into marriage with a scullery maid who would consider the manservant to the crowned prince of Camelot a valuable catch.  
  
Probably just as well, then. Merlin’s babble was tiring enough without adding gushing over his wife’s comely belly or the adorable way a new baby filled its nappy, or whatever foolishness new parents were always on about. If Arthur never sat Merlin down to explain the ways of the world to his bumpkin of a manservant, it was purely for his own sanity’s sake.  
  
He never heard gossip of Merlin passing time below stairs with pretty maids, or laundresses. He certainly never heard tell that Merlin visited the back room at the Rising Sun, although, to be fair, he didn’t hear much gossip about anything, so maybe he did, but, surely not. Merlin? No. He was clearly an innocent.  
  
When it became obvious Merlin was harbouring affections not for Guinevere (thank heavens), but instead, her lady, Arthur had grown alarmed. He considered then that he might need to have a talk with Merlin, to dissuade him from even thinking about Morgana, and perhaps finding a nice girl more his level. He had tried a few times, introducing the matter with his usual delicacy as befitted such topics, but his efforts had always been aborted by an urgent summons from the king, or a minor incident in the lower town requiring his attention, or random trolls trying to usurp the throne.  
  
His most recent attempt to bring it up, at the inn near the border of Cendred’s kingdom, had been summarily dismissed. He had seen Merlin’s wide-eyes apprehension as he took in the rough men, the wenches lurking in the shadows, and knew without a doubt that Merlin had been far too sheltered. It wasn’t as if Gaius were going to explain…relations…with women to Merlin. Gaius was ancient, and unmarried himself. What could he tell Merlin about the world beyond science?

Of course, Morgana was missing, now. Merlin still clearly had feelings for her, though. His face betrayed him, everytime Arthur and his knights returned empty handed, once again with no leads on the whereabouts of Morgause and her hostage. Arthur would take in Merlin’s veiled expression, the dread and longing in his eyes, and clap him about the shoulder. He missed her too, after all. Even if nothing could come of it, the way Merlin had watched Morgana’s every move in the weeks before she disappeared said it all. With no beauty to admire from afar, Merlin grew ever more withdrawn. He needed to find himself a distraction, a pretty girl to laugh at his pathetic jokes, to coddle him and brush the hay from his fringe after a day mucking the stables.  
  
Finally, a quiet day arrived in Camelot. There were no new border skirmishes to read reports of, no council meetings scheduled, no revenge-mad sorcerers, no hybrid beasts terrorising the outlying villages. Arthur sat at his window, fiddling with one of his knives and waited for Merlin to arrive with his luncheon. He had his lecture all planned out.  
  
The door swung open – Merlin never learned to knock, and Arthur just stopped asking him to – and Merlin staggered in, weighed down with a tray and some linens slung over his shoulder.  
  
Arthur stood.  
  
“Ah. Merlin. You’ve brought lunch. Good.”  
  
Merlin managed to set the tray down without toppling over. He was really becoming almost competent. Arthur almost dreaded the day Merlin mastered all of his chores. Life would be much more boring.  
  
Arthur sat down at the table, and gestured to Merlin. “Have a seat, Merlin. The sheets can wait.”  
  
Merlin looked over his shoulder with a quizzical frown. “This morning you said they were disgusting and that I needed to fix it right away.”  
  
“Yes, well. That can wait. I won’t be retiring for hours, and nothing’s going on today. Please, sit.”  
  
Merlin made no move toward the table. “Are you feeling all right?” Arthur rolled his eyes. “Sire?”  
  
“Yes, Merlin, I am perfectly well. Just do as I ask.”  
  
Merlin perched himself on a chair opposite Arthur, and watched while Arthur tucked into his meal.  
  
“Bread?” Arthur offered. Merlin shook his head and looked at Arthur like he had suddenly declared his intention to learn magic.  
  
Arthur huffed. “It’s not like you don’t help yourself anyway. You should eat more. A bard could knock you over with the wind from his song. I spend every quest worrying about how to defend you from being toppled or skewered, you know.”  
  
“Do you really? Why take me then?”  
  
“I know how attached you are to my armour. I hate to remove your only source of pleasure from your life.”  
  
“You’re too kind, my lord.”  
  
Arthur slanted a glance at his servant, whose eyes were sparkling with mirth.

“Don’t think it hasn’t caught my attention that the only time you address me properly is when you are laughing at me. The children have missed you, you know. I could send you back to the stocks for old times’ sake.”  
  
“You always say that, Arthur, but you never do.”  
  
Arthur quieted for a moment. Indeed, it had been some months since Merlin had gone to the stocks. It never even occurred to Arthur to threaten it, anymore. Perhaps he had grown too fond of Merlin’s bumbling over time.  
  
“Yes, well, you’ll be headed back there soon enough. I have faith in you, Merlin.”  
  
Merlin just laughed.  
  
Arthur finished chewing his mouthful, and set his knife down beside his plate. “Merlin, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”  
  
Merlin stilled. His pleasant expression didn’t change, but it seemed to freeze a bit on his face. Arthur really was getting better at reading Merlin.  
  
“Yes. It’s just that…well, every man, even one who is a complete girl, needs more than food and water and a place to sleep.”  
  
“…right.”  
  
“I know that Ealdor was not like Camelot, so these things may be unknown to you.”  
  
“What..things?"  
  
Arthur continued as if he hadn’t interrupted. “And I know that you need more time on some chores than your average servant, and then Gaius does have you do a lot of errands for him.”  
  
Merlin sputtered. “I do NOT need more—“  
  
Arthur held up a hand, inwardly congratulating himself on his magnanimity. “So I appreciate that you don’t have a lot of time for yourself, and so are perhaps less worldly than other boys your age here in Camelot.”  
  
“Boys my age! Boys our age, you mean?”  
  
Arthur glared. “I am not a boy, Merlin. I am a warrior.”  
  
“Can I go now, please?”  
  
“Shut up, Merlin. Stay where you are. Anyway. As I was saying…perhaps you need to…get out more.”  
  
“Get out…more.”  
  
“Yes. There are many pleasures to be had in Camelot, if you know how to get them.”  
  
“What? Like the honey wine you make me steal from the kitchens?”  
  
Arthur squirmed. “No, not honey wine, Merlin. Although, I suppose there is a metaphor in there, somewhere.”

“Sire. Are you sure you’re well? You’re not making any sense. I’ll fetch Gaius.” Merlin made to leave.  
  
“Merlin. We are not done here.”  
  
Merlin sat back down and began toying with the frayed hem of his tunic. Arthur really needed to see that his servant had a better wardrobe. It reflected poorly on him when his servant wore will-fitting and unflattering apparel  
  
“Anyway, Merlin, what were we talking about?”  
  
“Wine.”  
  
Arthur ran a hand through his hair. “We were not talking about wine, Merlin, we were talking about girls. Pay attention!”  
  
“Girls.”  
  
“Yes, girls, Merlin.”  
  
“Getting out more and finding pleasures in Camelot is talking about girls?”  
  
Arthur’s chair screeched as he pushed back from the table and stood. “Yes, Merlin. You see, once you are of a certain age…”  
  
Merlin’s forehead fell to the table. Arthur pulled his back up by his hair.  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“Once you are of a certain age, Merlin, girls become more…interesting.”  
  
“More interesting.”  
  
“Will you shut up and let me finish?”  
  
Merlin shut up.  
  
“Men have…needs, Merlin. Surely you have had really good dreams down there in your little, cluttered cave. Intense dreams that end with you…”  
  
“Waking up?”  
  
“Feeling…good.”  
  
“Feeling…good. Like how?”  
  
“This is not a dictation, Merlin. Stop repeating me.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Feeling good, like, after a long day’s training, you know how you are really sore and really on fire and then someone massages you so hard that at first it hurts and then all of a sudden evey muscle goes lax?”  
  
“Um, no. I’m usually the one doing the massaging and all I get are finger cramps.”  
  
“Fine. Feeling good, like, every bit of tension has left your body through one small point and you feel….”  
  
“…good?”  
  
“Yes, you feel good. And you feel better if you don’t have to rely only on yourself to make that happen.”  
  
“I’m a servant. I don’t get to rely on anyone else to do something for me, Arthur.”  
  
“Not normally, no. But, when you are off-duty…” Merlin scoffs at this. “Anyway, while it is true a man can…feel good…alone… a man can feel much better when he is with a girl.”  
  
“With a girl.”  
  
“Yes, with a girl! They have,” Arthur gestures in front of his chest, “and they have…places…and…” Bloody hell.

Merlin frowned and looked up at Arthur, puzzled. “Just girls though? Sir Kay says he finds training with his squire to be one of his greatest enjoyments. Perhaps his squire has a…place, also. Although,” he added absently, “Thomas definitely doesn’t have the…,” Merlin mimicked Arthur’s gesture in front of his chest.  
  
Arthur groaned. “I don’t think that is what he meant, idiot.”  
  
Merlin‘s puzzled expression broke, and he finally snickered. “You sure about that, sire?”  
  
“Yes, I am sure of that, Merlin!”  
  
Merlin just grinned.  
  
“Okay, fine. Sometimes a man can feel good with another man, but more often, a man can feel good with a woman.” Gods give him strength, could Merlin really be this senseless?  
  
Merlin shook his head as if he hadn't heard him. “Arthur, are you trying to talk to me about sex?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Sex? Fucking? Getting off?”  
  
Arthur gaped.  
  
“Making the beast with two backs? Hiding the sausage?”  
  
“MERLIN!” Arthur was scandalised. “What do you know of such things?”  
  
“I know that Sir Kay’s squire lets him bugger him whenever you beat him at training, which may account for how often he loses to you.”  
  
“He does NOT let me win! And what do you mean, bugger?”  
  
“Well, Arthur, you see, when a man reaches a certain age…”  
  
His servant was laughing at him now. This was intolerable.  
  
“I know what buggering means, imbecile!”  
  
“Do you?”  
  
“Of course I do. But how do you know?”  
  
“Well, I admit, I learned about it later than a worldly man of Camelot, but, you see, I was at the Rising Sun about a month after I got here and…”  
  
“You went to the Rising Sun? Merlin, your reputation!”  
  
“My reputation at the Rising Sun is excellent, I will have you know. They fall over themselves when I walk in the door.”  
  
Arthur needed to sit down. He felt…flushed. He sunk to the edge of his bed.  
  
“Anyway, I was at the Rising Sun, and my…er, companion asked me if you ever required such a service of me.”  
  
Lovely. Now he was going to fall off the bed.  
  
“Of all the…!”  
  
“Of course, I had no idea what she meant. So she…explained it to me.”  
  
“Explained it…to you.”  
  
“Yes, well, not right away. We were in the middle of something just then.”  
  
“Enough!”  
  
“But afterwards, she explained it. And of course, I told her no, you would never ask me to perform such a service. I must have looked a bit disturbed because she proceeded to explain that it was actually quite enjoyable…”  
  
“Well, sure, it can but…wait. What?”  
  
Merlin pretended not to hear him. “She explained that it was quite enjoyable, and then demonstrated it for me.”  
  
“Demonstrated for you? But, I mean, how does that even work, I mean, she doesn't have a…no, God, stop talking. I don’t want to know! Gah! Leave!”  
  
Merlin laughed at loud at that. “What, Arthur? I thought you knew all there was to know, O wise prince of the realm.”  
  
“I know more about you than I ever want to, now.” Arthur desperately tried to clear his mind of the mental image.  
  
Merlin walked over to Arthur’s bed and laughed down at him. He was standing awfully close.“You started it.”  
  
“You started it, with your whole wide-eyed, idiot cow eyes over Gwen and Morgana and your general bumbling nature that only gets worse when girls are around! What was I supposed to think?”  
  
“I do not make cow eyes over Gwen or Morgana! Anyway, as I was saying, it was quite…pleasurable.”  
  
Arthur scoffed, but his mind was mercilessly pushing forward, supplying him with mental image after mental image of Merlin…and…oh God. “Pleasurable, you say?”  
  
“Indeed. I could…teach you about it, if you like.” Merlin sat down next to Arthur with a mischievous grin.  
  
“Teach me? Merlin, there is nothing you could teach me about…about…that.”  
  
“So you've done it before then?”  
  
“Oh, fuck me.” Arthur collapsed onto his back. How had he gotten this all wrong?  
  
“Maybe if you ask nicely enough. I’m pretty sure that’s not actually one of my duties.”  
  
_“Merlin!”_


End file.
